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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28962960">I Am Qurovan</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenumbraOfMyId/pseuds/PenumbraOfMyId'>PenumbraOfMyId</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dungeons &amp; Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Body Paint, Bondage, Breeding, Coming of Age, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Non-Consensual Bondage, Self-Discovery, Sex Change, Shapeshifting, Vaginal Fingering, incubus, jailbreak</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:41:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28962960</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenumbraOfMyId/pseuds/PenumbraOfMyId</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Qurovan is an incubus who lives in Hell. Throughout the story, he learns both what it means to be an incubus, and what it means to be himself.<br/></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Original Father Character/Original Son Character, Original Female Character(s)/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. You Are Incubus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Qurovan begins his journey by learning about humans, sex, and most importantly, his father,</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My father’s wing wraps around my shoulders gently, holding me to his side as we walk down the brimstone road towards my destiny. His hand runs up and down my back slightly as he guides me, looking down at me and smiling slightly. <em>Today,</em> he had said, <em>Today you learn who you are.</em></p><p>I was terrified. I had thought I knew who I was already.</p><p> I was Qurovan. I was a boy, just turned ten years old, and a fairly normal ten-year old boy at that. I had a small group of other boys I played four square with at lunch, and they all seemed to like who I was when I just followed my instincts. I was who I was—I just did what I felt was right. I’m sure that there were more words to describe who I was, but I didn’t care to think of them. I knew them, they were the back of my hand.  I was Qurovan.</p><p>My father turned me to face a building that looked like a hotel, but there was a lady outside. She looked like one of those supermodels from the front of Hell Weekly, but somehow edgier, and wearing less clothing. I thought she was very pretty, but she glared at me as we passed.</p><p>The clerk nodded to my father, and gestured sharply with his thumb to a room over to our right. I wondered why my father chose a hotel to teach me…whatever it was he wanted to teach me. I didn’t go to hotels very often…was he going to get me a job as a janitor? Was that who I was? A janitor? I would be a little disappointed. A job might be nice, though—I could buy that new game I saw last week if I had a job.</p><p>My father opened the door to reveal a strange, small girl, probably younger than me by a couple years. She was strange for a couple reasons: First of all, she was in the center of a metallic construction. She struggled to move, but couldn’t get very far because her limbs were spread out far. Second, she was pale. Instead of red skin, she had a pale whiteish skin of various different shades, some of it a little darker, almost tan rather than white. Third, she was completely naked.</p><p>I had never seen a girl naked before, and the way that her legs were spread made certain things very obvious. I froze, drinking in the sight of her wide hips, her heaving stomach, the small mounds of flesh on her chest, her strained neck, her pink-blushed face soaked with sweat,  her pale lips stretched open by a ball strapped between her teeth…I felt a strange sensation roil through my body unconsciously, leading to my crotch, my crotch that was so different from hers. My penis changed, growing longer and stiffer inside my trousers as I stared. There was something so beautiful, and yet so wrong about this image.</p><p>“Dad….daddy, where are the girl’s clothes?”</p><p>He shrugged, “It doesn’t need any. That’s the first thing you will learn today, Qurovan—humans are animals created for the soul purpose of making more humans and more demons. It doesn’t need clothing, because clothing gets in the way of that. The reason why it doesn’t need clothes is because it isn’t a girl, it’s a human. That’s why it’s flesh is pale, that’s why it can’t speak, that’s why it’s here. It’s here for you.”</p><p>He pushed me in between her legs, and reached down to touch her crotch, spreading the folds of her flesh aside as he did so. “Do you see this? This is the only portion of a human that matters. All you have to do is put a small part of yourself inside this portion of the human, and then it will transform that part of yourself into a baby demon, and you will become a father like me.”</p><p>“This….this doesn’t feel good. This doesn’t feel right. Why are you making me see this?”</p><p>“Because it is your purpose. This is who you really are, and everything else is a distraction from or a guide to this purpose. We must win the war against our obliteration, and this is how it is done.”</p><p>I looked in horror at the writhing human, and whispered, “This is who I really am?” <em>This?</em></p><p>“In a few months, you’ll be glad I showed you this now before the urgings started. The urgings will show you that this <em>is</em> who you truly are. You are created for it down to your very biology.”</p><p>He walked behind me towards a much larger woman held in a similar fixture. She had been hiding around the corner. The mounds of flesh on her chest were larger, fuller, and her hips were even wider. She was obviously older, and I realized the first girl was probably just a little older than me.</p><p>“I’ll show you how it’s done with this one, and then you’re going to give it a try yourself.”</p><p> I shook my head, <em>no, this isn’t right.</em> This woman was struggling as well. They didn’t want to be here. This was so very, very wrong.</p><p>He reached down, and pulled down the zipper on the front of his trousers.</p><p>“Will it hurt her?”</p><p>“That doesn’t matter. It is just an animal.”</p><p>“But she’s—”</p><p>“It’s, Qurovan, It is an ‘it.’ “</p><p>I shook my head, and tried to pull away. “Please don’t make me watch this. Please.”</p><p>He pushed forwards, and the woman screamed.</p><p>I closed my eyes and ducked away underneath my father’s wings. Those screams! Those <em>screams!</em></p><p> I had no idea what this was supposed to be, but this was twisted, broken, wrong, bad, terrible, warped, corrupt, distort, bad, broke, bad, wron, bad, no, why, wrong, so wrong, so very, very wrong.</p><p>I ran blindly out the door to the hotel, out into the streets. I ran away, anywhere away. Not there. Not where? That wasn’t happening. There was nothing to hide from. I was just running. My father would never do something that would scare me…Daddy was still a good man…please just let me forget...</p><p>---</p><p>I couldn’t forget. For a while, time hadn’t been real to me. I had run aimlessly, all other thoughts driven from my mind. Then, I had hidden in an alleyway listening to the screams in my skull. I had hidden, shifting my shape to remove my ears. I made myself small. I did everything I could to hide, but there was nowhere to hide from the memories. Those panicked, pained screams echoed in my skull.</p><p>Now, I just walked. I walked sullenly through the streets back to my house. Where else was there to go? I passed many hotels with the skimpily dressed women out front. I had never noticed them before, but now they were everywhere. At first, I tried to give them a wide berth so I could ignore the screaming coming from inside the walls. Now, though, I realized there wasn’t a point. I could still hear the screams in my mind.</p><p>I found myself at the steps up to my home, and looked up. My father was waiting there. He was saying something, but I didn’t hear it. He looked…angry? Was that right? I didn’t know. Now, I just walked.</p><p>He stopped me as I tried to pass me. I looked up at him hollowly, and the anger faded from his expression. I didn’t know what it changed into, but it was something deeper, sadder, quieter. He removed his hand barring my path. I just stood there. He gave me a gentle nudge inwards, and I started walking again.</p><p>I fell into my bed, and slept. Time passed, and the memories had faded to a dull ache by the time I woke. So had the numbness, though, and I finally wept for the girl and the woman.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed this segment. Qurovan is just getting started, though. This was the starting event that he will have to learn from as he begins his post-innocence life. I hope you stay tuned to see where he goes from here!</p><p>Suggestions, thoughts, and other comments, appreciated--after I complete this work, I am planning on going back through and re-posting each chapter with edits as my skill in writing improves.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I Am Not Incubus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fire coursed through my veins. My chest was a bottomless void. I was curled into a ball in the corner of my room, whimpering at the pain. The urgings weren’t supposed to be painful, but then again, incubi weren’t supposed to resist them. I remembered what my father had told me about the urgings all those months ago, and that hurt more than the pain itself. My father was right, this was who I was. Eventually, I’d have to give in.</p><p>Today, however, today I could still be strong. I could resist. All I had to do was think of the terror I had seen in the eyes of the humans. As always, that memory convinced me that if I went to a brothel today, I would never be able to face those eyes. I would run like I had about a year ago. Or worse, I might try and free the humans. I had heard what had happened to the woman my father impregnated. The young girl was still alive somewhere, but the woman had died in childbirth.</p><p>Suddenly, I felt sick at the thought of <em>not</em> going, of <em>not </em>trying to set that poor girl free. She was just as young as I was, maybe a little older, but soon she would be fertile and be condemned to a painful death at the hands of her rapist’s child. Over the last year, I had learned much about the process I was introduced to that day, and every detail of it seemed to make it worse.</p><p>I decided in my head, and all the pain seemed to fade away. I stood up, resolute, and was surprised. I had thought that the sickness would go away, but the pain had left me too. That empty, burning pain receded. It was still there, but it didn’t seem as important anymore.</p><p>I walked out of my room, and into the kitchen. I looked around, and nobody was there. I quickly grabbed a small container for liquids, and put some flour and cornstarch into the bottom of the container. I shoved the container into my pocket, and put everything away.</p><p>“Qurovan, is that you?” I heard my father’s voice drifting from down the hall, and quickly dove back into the fridge to find something to use as an excuse.</p><p>I pulled out some sandwich materials, and shut the fridge, my heart pounding. “Hi.” I said shortly.</p><p>“You’re looking better. Did the urgings…. Did you decide to go to the brothels again?” His eyes were hopeful, but subdued.</p><p>I plastered on a queasy smile, and said “Yes. I think…I think I just wasn’t ready last year. I think I will see things differently this time.”</p><p>His eyes came alight, and a grin stretched across his face. He launched across the kitchen and wrapped me tight in his wings. I had only a second to awkwardly put my hand in front of the hard container in my pocket before he collided with me. He didn’t say anything else, just continued to hold me in his arms.</p><p>I extricated my arm from between us and returned the embrace. Over the last year, I had decided. My father was still a good man. Every one of my friends had done what he had by this point—or, well, the people who used to be my friends. What he had done was normal, and I was the outsider. He was a good man because it hurt him to see my friends abandoning me, and he comforted me when they did. Even if he agreed with my friends, he still tried to console me. He loved me, even if I didn’t always deserve that. I could hug him even after he caused that human to die.</p><p>This love that we felt for eachother, this embrace. This was good, this was <em>right.</em> And so I felt a deep twinge of pain as I realized that I would likely be leaving him. I hadn’t thought so explicitly before, but if I helped this human escape, I would never be welcomed back into his arms. No matter how much he loved me, what I was planning on doing would be unforgivable. But I could not see someone just like me die, when I could have done something. Even if I had to destroy something good to prevent something bad.</p><p>“Thank you,” I said, with tears in my eyes, “For helping me see.”</p><p>He pulled me tighter briefly, then let go. “You should get ready. I’ve seen how your urgings have hurt you, I don’t want you to put it off longer.”</p><p>I nodded, and gestured to the sandwich fixings, “I just want a little more energy going in. I’ll be ready in a couple moments.”</p><p>He smiled, and I hugged him again, briefly. He patted my shoulder as I turned to fix the sandwich. He walked away, and as he left, I said, “Father, can you call the brothel? I…I’d like to see the same girl you picked out for me last time. She…It looked nice.”</p><p>Using the word ‘it’ brought back a vague sense of the sickness. She was a person. Still, I knew the word had done its job when my father smiled at me.</p><p>“Certainly.” I could feel the warmth of pride in his voice.</p><p>I finished the sandwich quickly, then, checking to make sure my father was out of sight, pulled out a second container and filled it with water. I had considered mixing it in now, but I didn’t want it to dry early. It was going to be a stretch as it was.  </p><p>I stowed the second container in my other pocket, and walked down the hall. I needed one more thing, and I was hoping my father wouldn’t see through it. I heard him hang up the phone as I walked towards his office, and I met him in the hall. “Um…Can I ask for one more thing?” He nodded, so I continued, “I just…I just don’t want to remember that…that <em>it</em> is going to die because it is human. I was hoping we could drop by the art store and pick up some red paint. Pretend she’s just a succubus. I’m sure I’ll get over this after a few times, but I was just hoping I could….”</p><p>My father nodded, and went to go pick up the phone as I trailed off into rambling, “Of course. We don’t even need to go to the art store, the brothel will even do that for you. Some of the guys who visit are freaked by the white skin.”</p><p>That was…unexpected. I could see it now, it made a twisted sort of sense. Grow up seeing humans as animals, and you end up not wanting to acknowledge your dependence on them to sate your urgings. Well, all the better for me. I smiled, and said “I’m glad to hear I’m not alone.”</p><p>He set down the phone after a very brief conversation, and said “Come, they’ll have her ready by the time we arrive.”</p><p>He walked towards me, and I turned to walk towards the entrance with him. As I joined him, he tentatively wrapped his wing around me. I had not responded well to that gesture the last couple times he had tried it, but this time I accepted it. For the last few months I’d had the urgings, his attempts to guide me had strengthened them as it reminded me of that day. Before that, it had reminded me of that day, and that had been enough.</p><p>As we stepped out onto the street, and began walking towards the brothel, I remembered what he had told me that day. <em>Today,</em> he had said, <em>Today you learn who you are.</em></p><p>I guess he was right. Before that, I was just a boy, and a fairly normal ten-year old boy at that. I had a small group of other boys I played four square with at lunch, and they all seemed to like who I was when I just followed my instincts. But those friends had left me when I finally had made a decision that didn’t just follow the party line. The had liked me because I was a fairly normal ten-year boy, not because I was Qurovan. Now, I knew for certain who I was. I was <em>not</em> an incubus—I was who I was. I was Qurovan.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed.  Suggestions, thoughts, and other comments, appreciated--after I complete this work, I am planning on going back through and re-posting each chapter with edits as my skill in writing improves.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. You Are Not Human</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I watched a red painted girl wearing my clothing jump out of the window, and I smiled to myself. That would make five. Five young humans I had been able to help. I changed my shape as I remembered this one. Her gentle smile, her delicate frame. Her beautiful name—Dillon. She hadn’t even been touched yet. There were hundreds of women being raped in the city every day, but I could help the ones who had the most life left to look forward to, the ones who still had their innocence. My body shrank to Dillon’s younger size, and my red skin became rubbery. White skin began to grow underneath, each freckle on her youthful body replicated on mine underneath the rubbery red layer. I had nearly botched it the first time, but by now, I was well experienced. My father didn’t even know I was going this time. </p><p>I walked over to the two containers I had left on the bed, and mixed the water into the powder. I had gotten better at this part each time too--adding in a little more cornstarch, stirring a little less…Now, it looked almost exactly like the real deal. Thick white liquid with clear bubbles under the surface here and there. I had gotten extraordinarily lucky the first time that my plan had worked at all—one of the other humans had even caught me!  I laid down on the bed, carefully holding the mixture, and reached down to my newly fashioned sex. I spread myself open, and poured the cool liquid inside.</p><p>When it was all in, I quickly stowed the containers underneath the bed, and quietly opened the door, backed through it, and shut it behind me slowly. I turned to the clerk in the main chamber, and said “Just finished, sir, is there anyone else waiting for me?”</p><p>I walked up to the desk and grabbed a tissue off of it to wipe my leaking crotch with as he eyed me. “Not tonight. Go rest for a shift, we’ll get you when another client comes for you. Keep the paint on, though. We’ve been going through too much of it lately.”</p><p>I nodded, threw out the tissue, and headed off to the human sleeping chambers. I pushed past the screen door, and was greeted by two dozen human women in a cramped, large room. All of them were naked; humans had no need for clothes in hell. What they did need was sleep and companionship. Half of them were sleeping, and the other half whispered in quiet groups.  I stepped quietly over to Dillon’s sleeping mat.</p><p>A young girl around 7 or 8 (Dillon’s age as well) stepped quietly over to me as I settled down onto the sleeping mat. She was one of the dark brown skinned ones. The first night, I had been surprised by that. All succubi and incubi had red skin, so I had assumed all humans had that pale tannish skin. Humans were so <em>vibrant,</em> though—An entire scale of skin colors!</p><p>The girl settled down close to me, “Did it go that poorly?” she whispered.</p><p>I smiled at her, and shook my head, “Can you keep a secret?” She nodded, so I continued softly, “Lean in.”</p><p>My voice felt unnatural. I had changed the shape of my throat along with the rest of my body, and I sounded like Dillon. It was unsettling, but interesting. “I am not Dillon,” I said, “Dillon is running away right now. You can’t tell anyone, or she might get caught. What’s your name?”</p><p>She furrowed her brow, “You look just like her. I was wondering why you didn’t come over to my mat, though. You…Dillon and I were going to talk about it after.”</p><p>I nodded. With the first couple girls I had freed, I had them tell me what they normally did. With the last couple, though, I had just followed a typical pattern, and it fooled most people. Just not the people close to them. And I didn’t want these last couple to have to think about what they would have done, I wanted them to focus on getting away.</p><p>“Yeah. Sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye.”</p><p>She nodded, and stayed silent for a moment. “You really do look exactly like her. Who are you? And how do you look like that?”</p><p>“I’m a shapeshifter. My name is Qurovan. What is yours?” I didn’t like telling the humans the full truth.</p><p>“My name is Sarena. Are…are there more shapeshifters like you? Giving us a chance to run?”</p><p>I shook my head sadly, “Not that I know of. And I’m sad to say I probably can’t come back here for a while. There’s dozens of places like this in the city, and if I stay at one twice in a row, they might catch me, and then I wouldn’t be able to help any of you. I…I’m sorry, Sarena. I probably won’t be able to make it back for you.”</p><p>She nodded, “It’s fine. I had already given up anyways. No one even talks of people like you, there’s nothing to give us hope.”</p><p>I smiled, “Maybe you should tell people about me. Not until I’ve gone, and not any promises, but enough so that they can have hope. Even though you didn’t. You’ll still have a good while left to live, and you can help the others just by doing that small bit.”</p><p>She smiled eagerly, “You’re right! I’d absolutely want to hear about someone like you, even if I knew I still didn’t have too much of a chance.”</p><p>My smile softened wistfully, “Fancy that, people telling stories about me. I never would have thought that would happen to me.”</p><p>“Why not? You’re doing something wonderful! Did Dillon get out without ever having to do it?”</p><p>I nodded, “Yes, I got her in time. Glad I did. I feel like she would have lost a lot of her color if she had been taken.”</p><p>“She did have a lot of color, didn’t she? I really liked her. I’m glad she got out, she was too kind for this place.”</p><p>“When she didn’t know who I was, I was pretending to be an Incubus. And do you know what she said to me? She thanked me for asking for her to be painted. She said she didn’t feel so naked when she was wearing it. She wasn’t afraid, she didn’t ask me to go easy on her, she smiled at me and thanked me, even though she thought I was about to take something precious from her.”</p><p>Sarena smiled softly, “Yeah, that sounds like her all right. When she was brought in here, she wasn’t the least bashful about being naked in front of us, she was just excited to be with humans again. I’m glad you took her, she deserved to get out more than any of us.”</p><p>My smile saddened at her last remark, and I pulled her into a hug, my bare skin pressing against hers in a <em>very</em> distracting way. I was still fundamentally male, after all—only my appearance had changed.</p><p>I whispered in her ear, “All of you deserve to get out. And I’m sorry that I happened to pick Dillon instead of you. Both of you are beautiful and unique, and I’m sure Dillon would have been through the roof to hear that you’d been taken.”</p><p>She nodded into my shoulder, “I know. That doesn’t change that I’m glad Dillon got out instead of me, and that’s not a bad thing you need to comfort me for. That’s just human irrationality at it’s best.”</p><p>“Strange, that humans should be more ruled over by their emotions than the demons of lust.”</p><p>“You think the incubi that come here don’t feel the same way?”</p><p>I shook my head, “I know they don’t. I said a half-truth earlier, Sarena.” I pulled back and looked her in the eye, “Incubi <em>are</em> shape shifters, you see. And I know that I would never feel glad that I was still stuck in a hell hole like this.”</p><p>She paused, and then pulled me back into her arms. “Silly, why are you here then? You put yourself in this hell hole. You might not be able to see it, but I take great comfort in the idea that incubi can love like we do. And you’re living proof.”</p><p>At that moment, the door to the sleeping chambers opened, and a tall, burly incubi came in shoving a small red painted girl dressed in <em>very</em> familiar clothing in front of him. I really should have changed my face, but the pang of sorrow I felt was overwhelming.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed this section. It's a different style than the last couple chapters, and I'm not sure which I like more. Feedback of any kind appreciated--after I complete this work, I am planning on going back through and re-posting each chapter with edits as my skill in writing improves.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. You Are Not Alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I was walking home from school when a feminine voice shouted from behind me. “Hey, Qurovan!”<br/>
I just kept walking. They didn’t really want me. Nobody would ever want to actually talk to me.<br/>
Their footfalls came into focus behind me, and she called again, “Qurovan! Wait!”<br/>
I stopped, and turned. Best to get it over with. It was Thelaya, one of my classmates. I hardly new her. The succubi tended to stay apart from the incubi. She stopped a couple feet away, a smile on her face fading. “You alright?”<br/>
I plastered on a smile, and nodded, “Fine, thanks. What did you want me for?”<br/>
She squinted, and said, “You’re not fine. Never seen such a fake smile in my life.”<br/>
I dropped the smile, and my eyes widened slightly. That was one of my best, one that I’d been using to fool people for a year and a half now. She started talking again, “One of my friends told me you sent four humans to freedom before getting caught, and you took their place at the brothel. No one with the sheer level of audacity to do that would have such a calm smile.”<br/>
I sighed. “Fine. I’m not alright. Does it matter?”<br/>
She huffed, and crossed her arms. “Of course it matters. I don’t want to talk to some mask you’ve put on. I want to talk to the man who would let himself be treated like a human for a night to let the real one go free, then decided that it was worth it enough to go back and do it another four times. I haven’t seen what they do to female humans, but based on what they had me doing to one of the males, there is no way in Heaven you enjoyed it.”<br/>
I closed my eyes. I was so, so tired…. “No, I didn’t enjoy it. But if I had to go back and do it again, I would have just done it right. That way, I wouldn’t have to deal with all of….this. So, can you do me a favor, and just get it over with?”<br/>
“Get what over with?”<br/>
“Whatever you came to do to me. I know it’s not pleasant, I haven’t had a pleasant conversation in over half a year.”<br/>
“You’re exaggerating. I know people have been picking on you for the last couple months or so, but it’s not that bad. There’s no way it’s been a whole six months yet.”<br/>
I opened my eyes again, and looked her in the eyes. “How would you know? You just found out what people have been mocking me about for the last month or so, but it was a whole seven months before that went public that I was shunned.”<br/>
“Bullshit. I’d have heard about it. My friends are notorious gossips, even if news on Incubi is rare.”<br/>
“I wasn’t nearly so juicy of a piece of news back then. I wasn’t worth talking about.”<br/>
“But you were worth shunning?”<br/>
The numbness I had entered the conversation with was gone. “Absolutely. How would you treat someone who can’t hold a conversation because they were in constant pain?”<br/>
“If your friends couldn’t support you after you broke a bone or something, you shouldn’t have been friends with them in the first place.”<br/>
“It wasn’t that. I resisted the urgings.”<br/>
She scoffed. “Those aren’t painful.”<br/>
“And do you know someone who resisted the urgings for longer than a month? Most of the incubi who resisted in my grade resisted because they just needed to summon the courage to ask.”<br/>
“And you’re telling me that you lasted, what, two months? And your friends just kept shunning you?”<br/>
I looked her dead in the eyes. “Why are you talking to me? I’ve told you a great deal about myself, about painful topics that I’m persecuted every day for. What do you care? Gossip to return to your friends?”<br/>
She uncrossed her arms, and said, “I just wanted to understand. What you did with the humans was unheard of. I didn’t care what other people said, I wanted to know what kind of person would do that.”<br/>
I felt a spark of hope at her words, but she turned around, and started to walk away. I wavered, then decided that I would regret it forever if I let her walk away if there was a chance she was being sincere.<br/>
“Thelaya,” I said, quietly, and she stopped. “Do you know what they did to the fifth human girl I tried to help?”<br/>
She turned back, and shook her head. “No. Daemera didn’t know either.”<br/>
I sat down on the curb, and said, “I didn’t resist the urgings for two months. For six months, I resisted them, and they got more painful every day. Then, I decided to help one of the humans, and the urgings faded. They became a dull ache, and they stayed with me throughout the next month as I helped those humans get free. That fifth girl…. Her name was Dillon. They caught Dillon, and brought her back. Then, with one person holding her down and another guarding the door, they told me they would cut off her fingers one by one until I impregnated her. Can you imagine that, Thelaya? Being held down for your first time, and the person who was about to rape you was the person who had just failed you, and was now about to let someone else cut off your fingers? Dillon is two months pregnant now, and in half a year, she is going to die to the child I put inside of her. I tried to free her, but I ended up killing her. Dillon is going to die younger than you were when you were taken in for your first time.”<br/>
Thelaya sat down next to me, and stayed quiet for a moment. I stared off into nothing, remembering Dillon’s beautiful face, and how terrible it had been to see it covered in tears. And I remembered how wonderful it had felt to impregnate her, and how quickly that pleasure had faded as we laid joined together on the bed.  I remembered how kind she was, telling me that it was going to be alright, and I remembered how that kindness would be taken from the world.<br/>
“I didn’t know humans had names,” Thelaya whispered, “I was told….I was told they were animals created to be more fertile than we were.”<br/>
I shrugged, “Yep. I was told that too. I think they’re people just like us. They certainly act like it. Even if they are, though, it doesn’t matter. I’ll never be able to help another one again. I have strict curfews, and if I go in to sate my urgings, I will have direct supervision.”<br/>
“I think….I think I will regret knowing this. I was planning on going in to take care of my urges over the weekend, but I’m afraid that I’ll find out that you were right.”<br/>
“It’s not so bad for you,” I said, “At least you don’t have to live with impregnating your partners.”<br/>
“No. It’s not as bad. They still die, but it’s not as bad.”<br/>
“Really? How can a guy die from sex?”<br/>
“Exhaustion. Heart attack. No idea. All I know is that the human is dead when I walk out of the room.”<br/>
I nodded. “Well, at least it’s not as painful for them.”<br/>
We both sat in silence for a minute.<br/>
“Thank you,” I said.<br/>
“For what? I’ve done practically nothing. Hell, I’ve killed a dozen humans by this point. You should hate me.”<br/>
I shrugged, “Everyone at school has killed a dozen humans by this point. Except for some of the guys who have gone to the same human every time. I’ve accepted that as normal by this point. It’s just the way it is. However, I was not exaggerating when I told you I had not had a pleasant conversation in over half a year. With anyone. And that was just the way it was. Today, however, that changed. I’m thanking you for the first pleasant conversation I have had in a long, long time.”<br/>
“All I did was listen.”<br/>
“And yet, by doing so, you have done something for me not even my father has done.”<br/>
“Well. You’re welcome.”<br/>
The silence hung in the air until she stood up. “I need to get going. Can I get your number, though? I suspect that I will want to talk to you again this Saturday after I go visit one of the brothels. One way or another.”<br/>
I nodded, and reached behind me to get a piece of paper from my backpack. I scribbled the number down, and stood up, handing it over. “Feel free. I wouldn’t talk to me at school, though, and I definitely wouldn’t talk about anything that we’ve talked about today to anyone else.”<br/>
“Why? You certainly felt free to talk about it to me.”<br/>
“My social reputation is already in ruins. I remember having friends, though, and I wouldn’t give that up if I had a choice. You do, so I’m trying to help you make the right one.”<br/>
“Thank you for the warning. I’ll think about it.” She said flatly, but then continued in a more genial tone, “In return, I’ll let you know that you likely wouldn’t be turned away if you went to sit at a table with some succubi. Most of us are more curious than resentful about your actions.”<br/>
“Thank you once more. I’ll talk to you this weekend.”<br/>
I watched her walk off, and I noticed that I felt good again. I was still guilty about Dillon, and the urgings had begun to plague me once more, but I was hopeful. I was not alone anymore. Someone was willing to listen.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As usual, thank you for reading. I really enjoy working on this, and I look forward to next week especially. Any feedback is appreciated--I will be doing a second edit of this once the first draft is completed, and input is very valuable to that refining process.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. I Am Loved</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Explicit rating for this chapter. If you wish to skip this content, skip the section after the page break. The notes at the bottom will summarize anything important that happens after the page break—but summaries rarely do justice to stories.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Qurovan stayed near the phone all Saturday. He’d gone over his conversation with Thelaya a dozen times, and now he wasn’t sure that she’d call. She had said the succubi thought of him with curiosity, not disgust. Neither of those was sympathy. Perhaps she had just wanted a couple of her other friends to meet him so they could talk about him, not do something about it.</p><p>The urgings gnawed away at him, begging him to go back to the brothel. His carnal instincts brought the feeling of Dillon’s body wrapped around his back to the forefront of his mind constantly. She had been so small. Every inch he had slid into her had been godly as she fluttered the walls of her vagina around him, massaging him, dragging him inwards. She had arched and squirmed, gushing warm fluid around him as she clenched and cried. She had felt wonderful, he knew it, but now she was going to spend the last nine months of her shortened life in pain.</p><p>Even if Thelaya ended up seeing humans as people, would she care? She had been to a brothel at least a dozen times by now. She had always sated her urgings whenever they came. Would she resist them now, just because she had found out that those beautiful, pleasurable humans were people? What they offered was pure bliss, how could she refuse that just based on the fact they lived and thought just like she did? The men she killed died in bliss! It would be easy for her to avoid guilt.</p><p>So, he waited in dread. She had said she’d call regardless of what she found. Maybe she would, just to tell him she thought he was being silly. That she had overreacted to his views. Maybe she wouldn’t, just leave him here dangling. This was just the most elaborate trap his schoolmates had constructed for him yet—lure him in with sympathy, make him vulnerable, then hit him right where it hurt most.</p><p>Once again, the phone rang. Just like every other time, he picked it up hastily. He held perfectly still, his breath caught in his throat. Had she finally called? Was it her <em>this</em> time? Most of the time, he’d just hang up. Someone offering to clean their air ducts from the sulfur accumulation, or perhaps taking a survey on how one of the brothels could improve. The rest of the time, he just handed off the phone to his father—who was thrilled that Qurovan was waiting for a call. His father was being far more productive when he didn’t have to answer every phone call.</p><p>“Hello?” a voice came through from the other side.</p><p> It was muffled and muted, and Qurovan couldn’t make out who it was—or even their gender. He calmed his nerves, and said “Hello. You’ve reached the Moronoth residence, Qurovan speaking. How can I help you?”</p><p>“God you sound practiced at that.” The voice said. Qurovan decided that it was definitely female. “It’s Thelaya, Qurovan. It sounds like you’ve been waiting for me to call. Sorry I’m calling so late in the day.” Her voice was a little hoarse around the edges, nothing like the smooth, eager, and slightly sassy attitude she had first met him with.</p><p>He gulped, and then spoke quietly, “Hey Thelaya. How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Like shit. I hadn’t believed that the urgings would get as painful as you described. You had to be exaggeration. Now, though, it hasn’t even been two weeks for me, but I feel like my abdomen wants to implode after I walked out of the brothel without sating them.”</p><p>
  <em>She actually did it!</em>
</p><p>“I’m sorry. All I can say to help is that focusing on something else will make it go away. When you have a goal in mind that you work towards, it helps you take your mind off of things like that.”</p><p>“No, it doesn’t. I spent the entire day trying to understand what it was that you saw in humans. I talked with several of them, though they wouldn’t stop staring until I shapeshifted into an incubus first, but that hasn’t helped. As soon as I left, it began to hurt.”</p><p>“Did it hurt while you were talking with them?”</p><p>She paused, “I guess not. I just figured it was because I was close enough to a male that my biological urges assumed I had gotten the point.”</p><p>“That could be it. Most of the time I was focused on goals, I was either in brothels or thinking about which ones to go to. I had been so caught up in the sensation of the urgings that I had just been sort of aimlessly wandering. When I decided to do something, I had a sense of direction and the urgings faded. I might have just assumed.”</p><p>“I don’t know. I wasn’t sure what to do when I left the brothel, either. You might have been right originally, we might have to test it. I didn’t really call you to talk about the theory of resisting urges, however.”</p><p>“Really?  You obviously were thinking about it more than I was.”</p><p>“I was. Because, I was thinking about the urgings in general. I don’t think that resisting them is the right way to do things.”</p><p><em>I knew it. This is where she’ll hit me. She did it. She actually went, and put herself in my position, and now she’s going to reject it.</em> A hollow pit started to form in Qurovan’s gut, and he shrank back into the dark corners of his vision, bracing for the rejection of everything he was.</p><p>“Qurovan?” she asked as his silence filled the air, “I agree with you that using the humans is wrong.” <em>Wait, what?</em> “I just think that hurting ourselves won’t accomplish anything.”</p><p>“So….what? Do you agree with me or not? What you just said seems extremely self-contradictory.”</p><p>“I agree that humans are people, and shouldn’t have been treated the way we have, but I think that there are solutions that you just haven’t thought of.”</p><p>“Well, would you care to be specific? The only way we’re supposed to be able to sate the urges is by using a human.”</p><p>“Qurovan. Humans were <em>supposed</em> to be animals. You could see that what you were told then was wrong, why can you not see that now? There is another solution, and I’m fairly certain you even know what it is.”</p><p>“Well, I don’t. I’m not clever, I just know a person when I see one.”</p><p>“Ok. Fine. Let me put it this way—when you were covering for the humans you helped run, did you ever have to service an incubus like a human would have to?”</p><p>“Yes. Several times.”</p><p>“Ok, and the incubi you serviced. Were their urgings sated?”</p><p>“I guess so. They didn’t come back while I was still on shift, so it at least helped them.”</p><p>“Well, there’s your solution. You, playing the role of a human, have not died from sating another incubi’s urgings. No humans need to die, but our urgings can be sated.”</p><p>“So, you’re saying that I just need to find an incubus that will let me use their body to sate my urgings.”</p><p>“More or less.”</p><p>“Fantastic. Got anyone in mind? All the incubi hate me.”</p><p>“Yes, I have someone in mind. And no, not everyone hates you. I am a fantastic example of someone who does not hate you.”</p><p>“Thank you for the support. Who did you have in mind?”</p><p>“Guess.”</p><p>“I just told you that I didn’t know! Everyone I can think of hates me.”</p><p>“And I just told you that I didn’t hate you.”</p><p>Qurovan groaned in frustration. “I’ll just drop it. This is going nowhere. Will you at least tell me who you’re planning on asking without playing any guessing games? I’ve already told you I’m not very clever.”</p><p>“Could you guess the answer if I told you that I wanted you to guess for me as well?”</p><p>Qurovan paused, then blushed furiously. “Forgive me if I’m reading you wrong, but you won’t tell me the answer. Are you thinking that we would… help eachother?”</p><p>“That is exactly what I was thinking.”</p><p> Qurovan’s heart swelled up inside him. Thelaya had been so kind to him, and she had done everything that he had hoped and more. He pictured what it would be like to give himself to her, and help satisfy that longing inside of her. It felt so much more right than what the brothels were. This idea….this idea was very, very good. He sighed enthusiastically, “Fantastic!”</p><p>Thelaya continued talking as Qurovan reached his epiphany. “I think that eventually other people might move away from using humans, but right now it might just be you and I. It just makes logical sense.”</p><p>Qurovan’s mind faltered, then stopped. Ok. Logical sense. You scratch my crotch, I’ll scratch yours. One friend helping another out. Sure, it was better than using the humans, but, well, it didn’t feel right, either. What he had pictured was more than this. It was supposed to be so, so much better!</p><p>“I think,” Qurovan said slowly, “I think I will have to pass. I will gladly help you with your urgings, but itt just doesn’t seat right with me. The reason I dislike the brothels so much isn’t just that the humans die from what we do. I know that they die, and that makes it horrible to contemplate, but in the moment, it just feels wrong deep in my heart. And my heart feels just as wrong about this. My heart doesn’t think you’ll die—it doesn’t think that the humans would die, either. It just knows that this is not what it should be.</p><p>“What we do when we sate our urgings feels so good, it feels like it should be something beautiful, something grand. Not just some chore we have to get over to function normally. I think I’ll accept my pain until I can find someone who really wants this for what it is, someone who isn’t doing it because they are forced to—by other people or by their own biology.”</p><p>“Well. That’s not quite the response I was expecting.”</p><p>“Sorry. I didn’t mean to demean your idea. I’m really grateful for all the thought you put into this, it really is a solution. I’ll use it sometime, and if anyone else begins seeing things like we have, then they’ll be glad you thought of it for them. It’s a spectacular long term solution that will fix more things than freeing humans ever did. I will gladly spare the time it takes to sate your urgings in thanks for what you’ve done here.”</p><p>“I’d argue with you, but I can hardly think straight. Can I come over to your house and take you up on your offer now? I can try to persuade you when you’re done with me.”</p><p>“Of course. You know where I live?”</p><p>“Yes. Walking out the door now.” The line cut off.</p><p>Qurovan set it down, and waited for a second to absorb the conversation. Then, he stood up, and walked to his bedroom to make sure it was clean. She would be the first visitor he had had in a while.</p><p>---</p><p>Qurovan was waiting by the door when Thelaya arrived. He saw her approaching through the peep hole on the door. She was wearing a tight shirt and a short, flowing skirt. Both were a deep black that accented her beautiful red skin. A thin white rope belt separated the two garments, and it did wonders to pull her shirt even tighter—accenting her neckline in a very arousing way. As she ran up to the door, Qurovan could see her nipples budding through.</p><p>Qurovan knew then that he really, truly wanted her. She was beautiful, smart, and it really was a shame that she didn’t really want him. Just an end to the urgings.</p><p> He opened the door for her before she knocked. Qurovan grabbed her outstretched hand, and pulled her behind him as he carried her inertia forwards, not letting her stop running. He dragged her behind him to his room—he didn’t want her to have to wait longer than necessary. Thelaya passed him as he carefully closed and locked the door behind them. When he turned, he expected to see Thelaya waiting at the bed, but she was right behind him.</p><p>She just stood there for a second, waiting. Then, she deflated slightly, and shuffled slightly. “Um. I don’t know what to do. The humans just tended to throw themselves at me, and I would let them.”</p><p>Qurovan smiled, and stepped up to her. He pressed a palm into her crotch through her skirt, an began rubbing it. “I can do that,” he said.</p><p>He pulled her close as he added pressure behind his fingers. He could feel the shape of her body pressed against his, soft and flowing.</p><p>She shuddered, and leaned into him, her chest heaving with her breaths. Her breasts brushed against his upper arm, sliding smoothly up and down his skin as she shivered. The vibrations passed through her tits into his arm, even though she was just barely touching him, and through multiple layers of clothing no less.</p><p>Her stomach was pressed fully into his wrist and lower arm as she leaned inwards to get closer to the contact. She wasn’t skinny, so her gut folded around the edges of her arm, allowing him  into the shape of her body. She wasn’t overweight either, though, she was just pressing against him with most of her weight. Qurovan had to brace against the wall next to the door to keep from falling as she laid on top of him.</p><p> His palm, surprisingly, could feel very little. The rustling of her skirt, the folds of cloth, but not her. His palm was angled out to give his fingers better leverage, but his wrist pringled with the lack of pressure behind it. The most pressure to his palm was coming through the back of his hand as it pushed back into the top of his thighs, which were pressed close together. Her legs straddled his as she opened herself to his hand.</p><p>He grabbed her skirt, and quickly bunched it up and out of the way of his hand before resuming his circling at her core. Her panties were soft, delicate cloth, and they were very damp from the liquid of her arousal. He could feel the folds of her flesh through the cloth, parting and moving under his fingers.</p><p>He switched things up every couple of seconds ever so slightly—changing the direction of his cyclical rubbing, or breaking from the circular pattern to press a finger up and down the channel between her parted folds, or pressing her folds together with a finger on either side, rubbing the cotton against them and them against eachother. She gyrated her hips against my hand. She wiped her wet womanhood wantonly against me, wriggling and writhing to get the extra friction she needed</p><p>With his other arm, he pressed his hand against her back, hugging her as he held her quivering form close. His hand ran up and down her back, occasionally tweaking her bra strap accidentally, but he didn’t really feel that. This arm wasn’t feeling her body, or really anything in particular. And yet, even though he was pressing one of his hands into her pussy, this other hand felt far more intimate to him. He wasn’t holding her shoulder blades like he was holding her crotch, he was holding <em>her.</em> His hand was only on her back because it was the most convenient and effective place for it to be, not because it was any specific part of her body.</p><p>Thelaya pulled her head back from where it rested on his shoulder, and grabbed the back of his head with one of her hands. She pulled him in to a passionate kiss. Her lips lingered languidly, locked onto his. Whenever he gasped for air, it was always short, like she needed to kiss him more than she needed the air sustaining her life.</p><p>He could feel it in her movements. This wasn’t just to sate the urgings, she wanted him. <em>She wants me. She wants ME! Qurovan!</em></p><p>
  <em>What we do with the humans is wrong, it feels wrong. This…this feels right. All those times I took the place of a human, it didn’t feel right or wrong—some strange mixture of the two. I was allowing something terrible to happen to me so I could spare someone else. It was still wrong, but I chose it.</em>
</p><p><em>This feels </em>right.<em> I want to give her more. Each time her hips buckle into my hand and her stomach presses itself against me, I know I’m doing something right. That movement there, yes, I need to do that more. I can feel her instincts responding to me, like in this moment I know her more fully than I know myself.</em></p><p>
  <em>And she knows me. As her hands claw my neck and she presses her lips into mine, she’s tearing into my soul. I move without thinking, all that I know is that her body feels like a fire, and she’s flickering the heat of her passion just for me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I need to give her more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I pull her panties aside, and plunge my fingers into her, impaling her pussy on me. I hold a fold of her flesh in my hands, my fingers fucking her and my palm pressed against her skin. I could hurt her badly right now, but instead she moans into my mouth and moves her moist muscles, clenching around my fingers as they thrust into her tight taint. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She stops kissing me, and a distant part of my mind panics, but I can feel the rest of her body moving at the same time. I know she is moving to tear her shirt off and shirk her skirt before it happens. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I need to get closer to her. I want to see her for who she truly is, and I want her to see me. I want to lay myself bare and vulnerable, and I know that she could take my life and tear it to pieces. But I can feel her most primal self telling me that she would never do that. She wants to show me that she is mine, and she bares herself to me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The red of her skin is accented and deepened by the oily cast of her exerted form, and it is beautiful to behold. As she quickly unclasps her bra and casts it away, her breasts bared to me, I move my hand from her pussy to her tits, pulled tight by her hardened nipples. Her panties are soaked with her juices, and practically droop off of her shiny, sweaty skin.  She sheds her underwear as my hands maul her breasts, glorying in the texture of the full, flexible flesh. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>What is my luck that I get the privilege to experience this? I’m the refuse from the bottom of society, and yet she’s giving herself so completely to me! I need to return this gift. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>My hands wrap around to her back, and I pull her to my chest, pressing her into me to pick her up. We’re at my bed, and I’m struggling to strip and show my self to her as she showed me her self. </em>
</p><p><em>By the time I’m naked, she’s stood from the bed and is tackling me, and we tumble. We fall to the sheets and she’s on top of me. She looks into my eyes as our bodies blur together, her heat in my heat and our skin sticking together. She knows that I know that she knows me and I know her. She knows that it finally feels </em>right.</p><p>
  <em>We become one. I enter her, and there are no boundaries between our bodies. We become a rod of pure pleasure, and my mind goes white. There is nothing but this moment, and us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I never want it to end.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed the story up to this point! As usual, feedback is appreciated. After I finish the first draft, I will go back over each chapter to polish it, so any comments help.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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